went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she told me i tasted like america
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
