I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
