Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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