The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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