we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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