Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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