Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
