My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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