Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
