Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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