I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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