I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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