I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
