Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
