NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
