We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
