Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
