Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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