bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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