champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
