So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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