Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
