so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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