I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
