You smell like a Billy Joel song
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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