hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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