Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
