You work out of a Hotel?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
