I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
