watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i think i just lost a toe
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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