dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
