Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
