If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
