On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
