a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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