Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
