You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...