I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
