I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
