The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
