Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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