ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
