i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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