I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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