More tranny stories later!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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