I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
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Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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