i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize