i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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