O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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