College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
