she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
