dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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