I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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