We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
