mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
