why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
