Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
