I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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