Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is the high leading the old right now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
