Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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