John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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