That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
