I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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