I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
