And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
