hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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