She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
