i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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