apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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