Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
