Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
