Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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