were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
