dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
