i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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