I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
