If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
