I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
