There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
