Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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