well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
