CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
