I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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