Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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